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When parents tell us they are unhappy about their children’s disrespectful behavior, we can think of several things that contribute to the problem.

First, disrespect seems to be a feature of the culture we live in. Facebook, movies and TV often show children behaving in snarky, sassy ways that get big laughs – so of course our young children imitate what they see and hear.

When they’re little, we may think that’s cute, but when they’re older it’s not funny at all.

Second, the emphasis on promoting “self-esteem” has ...

Of all the developmental tasks that we hope our growing child will successfully master, none is more demanding on the growing parent than the child’s learning to express painful feelings.

We tell ourselves that we want him to feel free to tell us when he is angry, or sad, or frustrated, or annoyed. We are hopeful that if he acquires a complete feelings vocabulary, he will be able to cope with these emotions. We want this so much that we even ...