Lightning Bug and I are looking at lovely delicate Christmas balls that my cousin gave us. Each ball opens up to reveal a scene that moves as music plays, like a music box.
The first is a train moving through the snow. Lightning Bug informs me that she and all her pre-school classmates are on the train.
“Where are you all going?”, I ask.
“To the farmer’s market.”
We look at the next ball – a snowman being circled by other jolly snowmen.
“Where do you think the snowmen are going?”
“The farmer’s market.”
We look into the third ball – a manger scene of baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, being circled by three wise men riding camels.
“Where do you think the camels are going?”
“The farmer’s market.”
“What are they going to get there?”
“Noodles. Mushrooms. Tortillas. Tomatoes.”
“Are they going to share them with the baby?”
“No.”
“I think they should learn to share.”
“Baby say, ‘I want tortilla please.’ Camels say, ‘No.’”
And thus the classic homily of the camels’ refusal to give tortillas to the Christ Child.
Lightning Bug: You sing, Daddy!
Me: (Singing) “Fro-sty the snowman—”
Lightning Bug: Daddy, maybe you not sing.
And…. scene.
We are not hitting the Santa thing hard with Lightning Bug while she’s 2.5 years old (ie, she knows there’s a story about the guy but that’s about it). But she sees lawn ornaments and cards etc, and we were listening to “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and after googling images of Frosty and Rudolph (her favorites), we looked up Santa pictures.
All good.
One was of a cartoon Santa swinging on a string of Christmas lights. “Oh, Santa” I said in a “you silly guy” way. Lightning Bug immediately started saying “Oh, Santa” the same way.
So I googled “silly santa claus” images.
And we instantly got pictures of drunk Santa, naked Santa, naked drunk Santa, weird misshapen Santa, monster Santa, Santa doing vaguely inappropriate things with reindeer, and Santa taking a dump down a chimney.
I will now spend Christmas Eve explaining things I never thought I’d have to explain.
DEC
2024
About the Author:
Eric Coble is a Tony-, Pulitzer- and Emmy-nominated playwright who lives in Cleveland. After raising two children to adulthood he and his wife are now raising toddler "Lightning Bug”. His stories are all true.